Time After Time

When I wrote last, I was all empowered and stuff about what I was going to do with my time, organizing it, using it wisely. And then I realized that I might be obsessed with it. So, I had an about-face from what I wrote just a few weeks ago; how quickly time changes things.

Most days, I am giddy, my stomach bursting with excitement, that I am a strange miracle among many, and know that life is good. Some days – a few more lately, I have to admit – a quiet, heavy sadness settles over the day. I am afraid. How does my belief system pony-up to this new set of rules, the ones that say everything is uncertain? But, even when I thought things were certain, they never were, never are for anyone. Oh how I miss that facade: There's no uncertainty in that. And then I realize, too: I am alive.

My sister gave me this gorgeous pie plate, from Anthro. The numbers are a mystery. They remind me of time.

It's okay to be figuring things out all over again. After all, I've just been through a shit-storm, and maybe I should be paying less attention to time, not more. Maybe I even should do things I don't feel like doing, because I don't always feel like doing things that are good for me, like getting out of the house, seeing people, engaging, connecting, doing.  The only thing that I really need to know about time is that mine is not running out, and the rest, is up to God.

Time Is Precious; Waste It Wisely

Time. Where is it? Where does it go? And, how can I get more? It's my excuse for everything: I don't have enough time. If only I didn't have to do this, or that. But, it's time to stop complaining and time to remind myself that there is plenty of it. I think I got a check-mark among pluses on my elementary school report card for "uses time wisely," and I wasn't very happy about it. But, there's always time to change.

Here's what I'm going to do, for starters:
1. Make a schedule. For real. I'm only going to do things that matter, and plan for the things that do. (I'll have to pencil in an hour or two for some bad TV, but no more late-night marathons of Kim and Kourtney Take New York!
2. Stop doing things that don’t make me happy or make things happen.
3. Cancel a commitment, or two, and not feel guilty about it – no more feeling bad about not doing things that I don't really want to do. I only need to show up for things that matter.
4. Say no when I feel like it.
5. Let things be – messy! Schedule a certain amount of time for chores. After that, whatever isn't finished will have to wait!

Speaking of time, isn't it springtime yet? I need this shirt, from J. Crew, for spring. Dang, I love a pretty oxford.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” ~Annie Dillard