Monday, November 22, 2010

A Little Like Bad Acid

I got my first chemo treatment over a week ago now. Today's Monday. It was the Friday before last. Next time it will be interesting for me to write down what happens and how I feel physically in the days immediately following. I quickly forget. When I went to see Nurse Marina last week for my blood counts, she asked me all of the questions about what I'd experienced, when, how much, what time, when did it end. Shit. I don't really know, I told her, and promised to pay better attention next time. I don't know if they do this for everyone on chemotherapy, regardless of it being a trial. I am doing a clinical trial. There are a lot of them for triple negative breast cancer. That's the kind I have. Did you know there were different kinds of breast cancer? I didn't.

When I was going through my 3-day-post-diagnosis-online-obsession freakout, I had glossed over but noticed a special breast cancer. After I got my pathology report in hand, when I was brave enough to even look at it – which took me a few tries it was so scary – I learned that my kind of breast cancer was in fact the triple neg. I always wanted to be special, but this isn't exactly what I'd had in mind. I mean, there's a whole foundation devoted just to my kind. I don't think that's a good sign. But, I've since changed my mind. I've learned to read things in a new way. Only pay attention to the good stuff, and there's quite a lot when it comes to triple negative. I prefer to call it triple awesome.

Here's why:
1. There wasn't even a name for this "kind" just a few years ago, which just goes to show how insanely fast, crazy, mind-boggling discoveries are being made with breast cancer, and with triple negative specifically. 2. There is a foundation devoted just to my kind. 3. After being cured for at least five years, the chances of a recurrence goes way, way down, moreso than the other kinds of breast cancer.
4. Triple negative breast cancer is particularly sensitive to chemotherapy.

I like drugs. I've always liked them, and this is no exception. After my first chemotherapy treatment, I felt like the morning after eating some dirty paper acid. My jaw hurt and by back too, and I felt tired as hell. Kinda like I'd been up all night, partying, watching trails, having crazy conversations about energy and why Trey is the best guitar player ever, and colors. And so much laughing. My stomach kind of hurt, too. I wonder now what the chemical makeup of this stuff is. Maybe acid and chemo drugs aren't all that different. I mean, they both have crazy stuff in them, right? Anyway, I love chemo, and I'll take what I can get without OD'ing. The same approach I took with the bad acid, and perhaps a few other substances, which shall remain nameless.

No comments:

Post a Comment